|
File Photo.
The
Origin of Moe
Although no definite
information is available, it is thought that Moe began as a
science project on some far away planet. Many also
believe he was some sort of disgruntled wildlife researcher,
as indicated by a recent photograph (above). At
some time between 8 and 20 years ago he was purchased at a
"Blue Light Special" by the owners of Homer's
Happy Hog Farm. Since that time, he has played a
minor comic role as a "homeschooled child."
At some point during his homeschooling experience he acquired
the name Moe, which is short for Moemeyer. Moe's
Hobbies
Moe enjoys doing some things, but what he really enjoys
is not doing things. Moe is a professional work
avoider. Through his dedication to the cause of not
working, he has been named "Princess of Antiwork
Affairs." Aside from avoiding work, Moe likes the occasional bunny, deer, bird, or toad hunt.
In an average day, Moe spends (-)12 hours working, 1 hour
hunting, and 35 hours watching TV. He claims the main
benefit to not working is the increased number of hours each
day he can watch TV. Moe's
Habitat
Moe doesn't require a specialized place in which to
live, but he is usually found in areas where there is
television or hunting. Moe's
Eating Habits
Moe, like any carnivore, prefers to eat animals.
His favorite recipe goes like this: 1 part dead bird (lead
shot included), 2 parts fancy spice, 1 part sugar. As
far as liquids, Moe likes anything that has at least 100%
sugar. Moe's
Research Project
Moe is currently taking chemistry classes to help him
create a method for converting common table sugar into a
stable liquid form, without using additives or excessive
temperatures. His goal is to develop a water
substitute that is 100% sugar. When finished, he
plans on using the liquid in every application where he now
uses water: cooking, car fueling, bathing, drinking,
spilling on carpet, and three other uses that he can't
remember. A
Note For Moe's Fans
If you like Moe and think he is "the cheese,"
help his cause by reloading this page over and over again in
order to inflate the hit counter. Every hit will be
counted as one vote towards Moe's release from his current internment
at Homer's Happy Hog Farm. According to recent
analysis, if Moe is to be freed from the farm, three things
must happen concurrently: First, This page needs at least
one million hits; Second, the TV must be stricken
beyond repair; Third, every form of wild game and edible
animal must migrate en masse away from Homer's Happy Hog
Farm. Note that the first condition really has no
purpose--it is just that the probability of this page
getting a million hits is similar to the likelihood other two things
ever happening at once. The second condition will lure
Moe out of the house, in a desperate search for the cause of
the TV's demise. Once Moe is out of the house, he will
see all the critters getting away. At this point, Moe
will retrieve his gun from the house and chase after the
animals, never to return. Cartoons
of Moe as a Bug
The movie files can be
played in the Windows Media Player. They portray Moe
as he would be if he were a bug. Moebug
Video One Moebug
Video Two Table
1. Conditions for Moe's departure.
|
Condition |
Current Status |
|
1) Release Votes
(hits) |
|
| 2) Status of Television |
TV is functional |
| 3)
Wildlife Movements |
Most animals are hiding in
dirt farm holes, not moving quickly in any particular direction |
|
